America’s greatest Gen X mommy and daddy, Jon & Kate Gosselin from TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8”, are having trouble with their marriage. Apparently, Jon has a girlfriend. And not just any type of girlfriend, a young girlfriend. You know, the type that likes to go dancing. And shopping. Not to mention all the talking. How does a guy with a wife and 8 kids have the personal energy for that kind of action? I have 2 kids, and it takes every ounce of my personal energy to get the vacuum out of the closet. As for Kate, she’s supposedly having an affair with her bodyguard, a silver-haired hunk who looks like the dad in every Just for Men Hair Coloring commercial . . . like these guys REALLY need jet black hair to live the good life.
Who could have predicted this? Isn’t it completely normal for a couple with a set of twins and a newborn set of sextuplets to think “hey, in order to ensure we can live a loving life together as a family, let’s bring 15 TV cameras into the house 24 hours a day.” Yes, it is. As every good Gen-X’er knows, you aren’t normal unless you’re on TV. And — even if you’re kinda freaky, attention-starved, simpletons from the middle of Pennsylvania, TV will make it all better, with its fancy editing and mood lighting.
Just think how crazy this Jon & Kate Plus 8 “life on TV” premise is. When Gen X was growing up in the ’70’s, it was ridiculous to think that a family with 8 kids would actually let cameras into their house. The only family that did that in the ’70’s was fictional (Eight is Enough reference). Thinking of Eight is Enough, Dick Van Patten was an uber-dad and even that family wasn’t completely normal. Need proof? Willie Ames flunked Celebrity Fit Club 3 times. And when did Ames get all the crazy tattoos?
Look, 1 was 1 of 5 kids. And my mom wouldn’t have let TV cameras into the house — even if it was on fire. In fact, we didn’t even own a Polaroid camera. As far as my parents were concerned, the last thing they wanted . . . was evidence of the chaos. Sure, there are a couple pictures of me as a kid, but it was for historical purposes — like the photos of immigrants at Ellis Island or pioneers on the Oregon Trail. You know, so if the IRS ever came around looking for proof, my parents could grab the photo and say, “Here is Chris. He is one of our kids.” That’s pretty different from Jon & Kate’s 24-hour access to their family for free diapers, Nintendo Wii, and 50 grand an episode, isn’t it? Sure, the 70’s had the bell-bottoms and ABBA, but the family privacy and humility weren’t so bad.