I had such great expectations for me. I really did. Me was a great guy. Full of spunk and verve, and a bod to match. Maybe not so much the bod part . . . but you get the point. But then I see those guys in the ITT Technical Institute commercials, and I realize that I’ve gone wrong somewhere. These guys get a 9-month certificate in computer diagonostics, and they’re living the dream. You’ve seen the commercials. These guys are winning stuffed animals at carnivals. They’re riding 4-wheelers through the woods and flying remote controlled airplanes with their sons. Most impressively, their wives make grand and sweeping statements about them that can’t possibly be true:
ITT TECH GRADUATE’S WIFE: “After attending ITT Tech, Gerald has become the kindest, most compassionate and — at the same time — most driven and successful man that ever walked the planet.”
Why didn’t anyone ever tell me about the life oasis that is ITT Tech? I’d love to win a prize at a carnival. Dirt biking in the woods looks like a blast. I could fly a remote airplane, I think . . .
Oh, what’s the point? Why should I even dare to dream an impossible dream? Some people got it, and some don’t. I guess me . . . just . . . . don’t . . . got . . . it. Wait a minute, I just connected my Wii to the television. Maybe I do have the elusive “it” factor. Somebody get me an ITT Tech application. I’ll be living the dream in no time.